I’m back!  At last, it’s good to be home after a good 6 months of looking after people.   Finally had long enough here to get my hed meds changed too.  Fortunately…..it’s looking to be better.

A quck footnote, while I remember it, because apparently…. it’s very, very important.

I bow….(nay kneel) before all the permanent carers out there, I am totally weird/ humble/aspie/selfish/loveless etc before you.  I am thoroughly in awe of your patience, selflessness and love.

I can’t ever begin to aspire to you your amazing resolve.

but hey, that’s me at the moment, you probably know what I always reply to any direct question, I have been slated all my life for being too vague, but that is purely because I can’t just give my own opinion on anything at all, every single entity is individual, everyones situation, thinking and path n stuff.  So…it bloody does always depend on any circumstances at the time.

therefore, even though to myself, naturally,  it doesn’t seem the case, when you look at it all from a totally er… universal perspective,  it then looks like everything really is true, and …..(given the diversity of humans in general, and then adding (mages/magic users/wizards/witches….. whatever you prefer to be,)  everything becomes permissible also.

Ah….now  ….I have probably opened a totally other can of worms/tuna/beans/fig leaves wrapped around something really tasty.



Comments ( 3 )

  1. Freeman Presson

    Welcome back!

  2. Tara* Berserkr

    Aww Trace- as a support worker and a future nurse I know at least a bit of your pain! I assure you it is very different when looking after strangers though. It is hard enough to put your pride aside when a person you are trying to help calls you names, hits you and abuses you in many different ways. It's incredibly frustrating when you spend twenty minutes getting someone ready for bed and then in the last minute they decide they need a toilet and you need to start from the beginning. Older people are the worst, British old generations still think the world owes them something. Some of them think i should feel grateful for my right to come to their country and get the privilege of wiping their arse for pay close to the minimum wage... It gets much worse when it is your family though. One thing that this job told me is an ability to step aide my ego and play function of the benevolent infinitely patient being. I like to think of myself as an android sometimes. None of their petty outbursts can touch me because they're no more than signs of fear and frustration. After all they are totally dependent on me in that moment. I'm sure many of them feel humiliated. With time you develop resilience to the screams of pain too, you need to focus on your function and switch off the empathetic reaction. With a family member all off the above is almost impossible to achieve. You should be proud of yourself for lasting that long!

  3. trace

    Thank you very much @ophis7..... (yay! found it Freeman!) I am very relieved, but also very mind melted to be home. And thank you very much also @tara for your reply, I did have a few 'hairy moments' during both stints of caring. I recall texting and mailing friends and family, to say that I couldn't stand it any longer, but ..... I guess my new GP was right, maybe the antidepressants 'were' working after all. Either that, or my inbuilt sense of guilt at running out on someone that needs me. I don't know. Because, I agree, it's kinda true what you said @tara, about family and strangers....and it's different as well... (here I go again!) It could've been the guilt/conditioning etc alone, that managed to drive me to carry on, or ......it may have been er.........'something else' that a friend managed to supply, that did it.... Who nose? But it doesn't really matter, the fact that I did it....it s good enough for me. I'm just not sure that I can stand going back to my own mothers anytime soon. She has asked me already. She says no pressure. Wot?

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