A step in the rite direction?

So…. this is what’s happening to me recently? It will almost certainly be a total bore to most, (sorry about that folks ) because as far as I can tell as I am at this present ‘me’… I have done nothing whatsoever recently that I would even loosely class as magikal. However, as always….there have been what I can only describe as ‘ripples in my consciousness’ that insist on giving me the feeling that the magik is still here with me, and really never goes away, even if, (like now,) I don’t have the strength of mind to direct it/put it in place/have the want/need/intention etc, of anything that I will feel the will to make happen, …..and stuff like that.
Anyways, as far back as I can recall, even if my (apparent to me at least,) resident entity has always been there, (and I realise now that he always has, for as far back as I can actually recall.  (I guess I just didn’t have the imput to understand at that young age ) it was much, much later that I got my mind into contemplating what was always going on with me.

Thank you so much, @anton and @dana, for being there for me to find at the time when I needed you folks most, for some general reassurance/ feedback on whether I was going loopy etc.  😈

And also ….a thank you to our Phil Hines, who was also so very helpful to me with the very strange and unfamiliar feeling of possession.  Ron has never, ever pushed me into anything, but I gotta admit, (and yeah,  this is perhaps kinda weird, but I always did trust him totally.) and not with me ever being aware of being told/guided pushed at all.

That’s the thing about Ron, he is so very patient. When I am in a really receptive mood, I have been thrown about mentally, until I am totally battered, but it’s brill!  I love it, I learn so very much in that short receptive ‘window’….that when I have been weak and worried about stuff I need to do, maybe change, stop etc….(like I feel now,) it appears that I inadvertently put myself beyond his reach with his totally wonderful, (and mostly,) rather difficult lessons. So…. this is my dilemma it appears. The more I need his protection and guidance, the less he appears to be able to help me. Or….. maybe he really is, and is being very uncharacteristically subtle? I dunno, all I know is that my entity is here to protect me, teach me…. and somehow be part of who I am.

Comments ( 8 )

  1. Tara* Berserkr

    Oh my, I have a soft spot for all the night/dark creatures. I also befriended a vampiric spirit lately, over a year ago. It has been a bit of a rocky journey since he appears to be attached to another person and my relationship with that person has not been too great. I can't really say much more at this point. This vampire has been visiting me in my dreams and strangely enough he feeds me, rather than taking energy from me. He has been a good guide. As for your dilemma, well spirits are not omnipotent. They have their limitations too. Sam Webser, author of Tantric Thelema says that as magicians we need to develop our own inner power, independent of the beings we're in contact with. Certain initiations need to be done in solitude, without their help. Otherwise we build a total dependency on our helpers. That's the path of mystics, not the path of magicians.

  2. trace

    Oh noooooooo! I don't believe wot just happened @tara, shit! I just typed so much in reply to your comment, but .....all that sentiment of mine that I wanted to tell you, has decided to vanish. Nevermind,,all the same....thank you so much for your comment, it always means a lot to me to have my friends, and....just as much, total strangers to let go enough to tell me what they experienced themselves, feel, think about what I have said. (There are rather telling posts to KIA a while ago, that I would love to link to me pages... So... now as this is my own branch of KIA, yeah, I totally know, I is really privileged 😉, I know it, but I have no clue why. thank you guys. 🙃 it is so very brill and very useful to me that I can now perhaps get some feedback for my musings/wafflings n crap etc..... without being a total and utter pain in the ass on the main site. This helps me a lot. Hmmmm! However......my pretty lengthy reply to you ....has just now decided to totally disappear into the ether. Ah well, fortunately, help is most likely at hand, if necessary. (I have always been so conscious of being annoying, going on about stuff that nobody else has ever experienced, boring folks that are on a different magical/mental.level to me.... etc etc.).. I spoze, I have never really opened up the way I would usually do with For some strange reason, I still happen to currently be in possession of the relevant KIAborg doll, so ....perhaps I will manage to retype the general sentiments that I wanted to tell you. I guess it was kinda personal really, so maybe Borg/and/or Ronnie decided that it was not gonna go here. 😞 Seems that perhaps I need a tiny forum, on this site, (as well as an introductory main page where I can attempt to direct folks to wherever they feel like they wanna go. (eg. Posts on this site, where folks can publish their own posts, ( sorta like the main site, ) Oh nooooo, you see? I'm doing it yet again! I am thinking what I feel I would need on this site"....and it gets really silly. Perhaps not for you all, or even for most of you.... but for me.... and I have no fixed agenda at all, and rarher .......tasks very often very suddenly put my way, that I feel I am only just capable of, in my present state of mind. So... when we suss it, I would kinda like an easily seen link to any link they fancy from here to the main site, the forum idea, is perhaps so I can say what I need to, to the folks that will understand the weird and I guess, someone didn't like the personal stuff I was trying to say to you. Or,.... far more likely. Our Ronnie wouldn't allow me to share the really personal and ... for me.... unfathomablly weird, stuff but then.... In my lifetime, I have been intercepted by so many different people, who have so many different ways of thinking, life, sexual/preferred belief/ motivation etc orientation, that I really know what folks think of/ care about/ etc. And particularly .... what actually motivates you folks, whether it be magikally or otherwise. I am genuinely interested,, and I'm pretty sure that we would all feel the same. I know for sure there are those apps f you that read, but do not write. I don't think I am alone in feeling that there needs to be a way for my readers to sayi stuff and get feedback from all our resident agents. So? What is always stopping you folks... eh? Here is the genuine reason, your opinion, take on life, things you need to share anonymously or otherwise, are very, very important to me, and always, very significant to everything. (Look up Quantum stuff, it's infinatlely more fun than the I would like people to be able to say stuff here, and be thoroughly untraceable. I don't know how to make folks legitimate and yet ....... I can't help but feel that someone always does have something to say. It's ok if they only say it to themselves, but how can it be acknowledged then!? I gotta stop rite now there is so much more, but .......it might go away again. I don't think I could easily cope with it again. Please don't ever forget my friends.

  3. trace

    :-D Er yeah....... so I spoze what I have been trying to say all along is that there according to Azrael/Ron there are really no rules to magik, if what you want do do aligns with your particular field of magik as it were.... it will go for it. Many other kinds of magik will of course also work, but I believe that according to their nature, the effects will only work for as far as the universe deems they are of benefit. Er wot? Either Ron needs to explain why I just said that, or someone needs to ask me/Ron what the hell He/I am talking about. Oh yes, you really, really do!!

  4. Tara* Berserkr

    "The effects will only work for as far as the universe deems they are of benefit." Ha! I often wondered about this myself. It's tricky, because we can not possibly know what benefits the Universe. Many schools of magick are based on trust that Universe is conscious and belief that we can communicate with that consciousness. That's a very comforting thought. However there is always a possibility out there that Universe is just chaos, and/or there's no way of communicating with it. Everything that happens is a random occurrence and all patterns we perceive is around us are due to Apophenia (spontaneous perception of connections and meaningfulness of unrelated phenomena.) In that case Ronnie would be right in his claim that there were no rules in magick. I quite like this idea although I admit it would be difficult to have trust in anything if the Universe is just chaos. On the other hand if Universe is conscious we'd like to understand what our role is in the whole picture. Are we like cells created to perform certain functions? Are we byproducts? Is our existence beneficial for our planet and the Universe? People have been trying to answer these question for centuries and some believe that magick brings us the answers.

  5. Tara* Berserkr

    As for your first post- perhaps you're right, maybe it was all too private to share.When you share insights of your private world, you're exposing your vulnerable, intimate self. I'm a bit of an exhibitionist- both physically and mentally, which is why I find it easier to do this, but I admit that i often get hurt. People often mercilessly dissect me pointing out my "flaws" (or rather what they believe to be flaws). Or even worse, they try to convince me that I was naive, that I imagined something which wasn't there etc. That was always especially true in case of romantic friendships. I took a risk of sharing mine and Aariel's story on Kia, mostly because it was so magical. Now I'm not so sure it was a good idea, which is why I don't want to talk about my further romantic adventures, even though they seem like a continuous chain of magical events As for having your private space on Kia, that's why I created Indra's Net. Kia site is like a labyrinth and I often struggle to find my own old articles, not to mention anyone else's. I'm a bit disappointed to see how few agents post and comment on my stuff (stuff in general) because without feedback it's hard to develop your writing skills. Perhaps they're scared of exposure, afraid to be criticized etc.

  6. trace

    Heheh! Yeh @tara, it's one of the hard ones rite enuff!! I had another couple of er......'certain religious people' on my doorstep again yesterday. Why do they always pick on me? @sinis suggested that I wear a pentagram, but I'm not sure it would help too much. These sorts always say more or less the same things. I always try to explain to them that although we all need something to believe in/cling to/keep us going etc...... we don't all choose the usual stuff. I was tempted to tell them what I am, but it would be rather wicked of me to scare the little darlings. I told them that I acknowledge their beliefs but don't share them. It seems that their beliefs all come from their own version of the 'usual publication,' (which in turn probably came from King Johns version of the original scrolls) and it really seems rather sheeplike and blinkered to me that they believe they are the only ones who have got everything right and will be saved come the end of the world, (which despite ...at the very least ...one prediction many years ago, has still refused to come true.) I think what inspired me to write the post in the first place was reading another bit of a book that @argonheart gave me a while ago. It got me to thinking again where this Quantum stuff fits into our view of magic, or even.... if it actually does. It always fascinates me, but this particular book mixes belief in god with quantum physics. A strange combination to be sure, but it seems to work for the author. Below is a bit of the part I read of the book, that interestingly happens to mention order and chaos.

  7. trace

    And the other page.......

    • trace

      Ps.... Qwiff is the authors word for the Quantum wave function, which he says contains the potential for the appearance of anything physical.

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